Monday, 9 March 2015

Things to do together for Mother's Day

These days, we all have far too much stuff. So I'm not going to compile any sort of gift-list ahead of Mother's Day, as recent research has shown that people appreciate experiences much more than yet more material crap to clutter up their homes. You can either buy your mum a pair of tickets so she can go along to one of these events with a pal, or better yet, go with her, then she gets the best gift of all, some quality time with you! Here's my pick of some of the best forthcoming events that would make great gifts.

A circus life for me: Nell Gifford in conversation with John Mitchinson
16th April 6.30pm-8.30pm at The Idler Academy £20
If you're a regular reader of my blog you'll know I'm nuts about the eccentric Cotswold's collective that is Gifford's Circus. You can read about one of my recent visits here, and you can also see an interview I did with Nell myself here. If your mum has a birthday coming up in the summer, then this would make a great two-part gift; the talk as a Mother's Day present, then tickets to the circus itself for her birthday.
(Nell pictured above. Not with John.)

Divine Terrariums at The Indytute
11th March 7-9pm £65
Terrarium-maker and founder of Botanique Boutique, Alyson Mowat runs a terrarium making workshop with The Indytute, which I think would be a perfect mother-daughter 'date'.

This brings me to my latest project, which I thought I'd sneak in here, though I should have blogged about it yesterday for International Women's Day really. I've set up Occupy Me, a site which is designed to provide career inspiration for women of all ages, providing a behind-the-scenes look at the reality of more unusual jobs; the sort you don't get told about at school. Currently on the site are interviews with professional terrarium-makers like Alysonbeekeepershula-hoopers, astrophysicistsfire-scientists and more. It's a real labour of love so I'd hugely appreciate your feedback- you can follow us on twitter here.

How to Academy: How to Travel and Explore
17th March 6.45-8.30pm at the Tabernacle
Travel writers, historians and explorers recount tales of their adventures at this event- perfect for mums who might finally be starting to organise holidays of their own rather than always doing what the kids want!

5x15 and The Guardian celebrate exceptional women
12th March, 7.30-9pm £20 at The Royal Geographical Society
If you didn't manage to make it to any of the IWD events over the weekend, then this will make up for it. Featuring children's author and illustrator Judith Kerr, historian Jung Chang, forensic anthropologist Professor Sue Black, activist Nimko Ali and DJ Annie Nightingale.

The School of Life
I couldn't pick just one event here, as there are so many great ones, depending on what your mum is interested in. 'How to stay calm', 'How to disagree' and 'How to relate to your family' could all be relevant!

The Folio Prize Fiction Festival at The British Library, 20th-22nd March and Penguin's Little Black Classics at The Book Club on 29th March would both be great for bibliophile mums. If she's more scientifically minded, then try the next Salon London which celebrates science, art and psychology; the theme on 8th April is Revolution.

Let me know if you end up going to any of these events!

Saturday, 14 February 2015

Romance in the city

So... Valentine's Day. Love it or hate it, I thought I'd offer a few tips on truly romantic London spots to visit. Don't try to go to any of them today- surprise your other half with a 'Valentine's Day' treat next month, when everything will be quieter, cheaper and reeking slightly less of desperate commercialisation. 
I'm always telling you guys how I still discover new London gems all the time- well earlier this month, I found a real corker. My mum came to town and we visited  Leighton House , the former residence of Pre-Raphaelite artist Frederic Leighton ( even if you're no art buff you'll recognize his most famous work, e.g Flaming June ). It's an absolutely incredible building- all traditional Victorian house from the outside, but inside, transformed into a shrine to Leighton's passion for all things middle eastern. The hall is entirely clad in stunning Islamic tiles in opulent blues and golds, surrounding an ornate water fountain. There's even an intricately carved wooden balcony upstairs that looks down onto the hallway.

The house is romantic at the best of times, but especially right now, given the current exhibition: A Victorian Obsession: The Pérez Simón collection. If you're a fan of Victorian art then this is an absolute must-see; it's all beautiful female nudes and the like by artists including Dante Gabriel Rossetti, Edward Burne-Jones, John Everett Millais, John William Waterhouse, Edward Poynter, John Strudwick and John William Godward- all friends of Leighton's. Also on display is the stunning 'The roses of Heliogabalus'  by Lawrence Alma-Tadema. It depicts the decadence of the Roman Emperor Heliogabalus who suffocated a number of his guests beneath an avalanche of falling rose petals. Romantic, eh? To really evoke the atmosphere, the whole room where the painting is on display is scented with Jo Malone's Red Roses. People might criticise this sort of thing for being a bit gimmicky, but it actually works pretty well, and I do think that art galleries and museums have to start exploring new ideas like this if they're going to compete with all the other entertainment options we have these days.

Another gorgeous London house to explore is Dennis Severs House in Shoreditch. The residence is a sort of living time capsule, capturing the lives of a family of Huguenot silk-weavers from 1724 to the dawn of the 20th Century. Again, I think this place is doing exactly what museums should be doing these days; creating a multi-sensory experience that beats watching a movie at home- imagine the sets of Punchdrunk productions, just without the actors. Every little detail has been considered, from the type of tea that's brewing in the pot on the table by the fireside, the tobacco that's been left in a disguarded pipe, even used chamber pots underneath the beds. It's authentic, to say the least. The exclusive silent night visits are particularly special.

My other favourite museum/residence in London has to be Sir John Soane's eccentric abode- next month they have a Cocktails and Candlelight  night there which would make a great date.

If you're already been on a few dates and fancy something a bit more intimate, I'd totally recommend one of London's spas. The gorgeous, art deco Porchester Baths (above) is my personal favourite, though it's certainly a bit shabby round the edges these days. If you want something with more modern luxuries, I'd opt for the  Ironmonger Row Baths, where they have wonderful scented steam rooms and herbal tea on tap.

I'm a big fan of places in the city where you can get back to nature. The Barbican Conservatory is one of London's best kept secrets; it's only open on certain Sundays- tomorrow, for example, 11am-5pm.

For more wonderful conservatory inspiration, visit the new Bourne and Hollingsworth Buildings - I really want to try their brunch menu ( maybe the perfect place for the morning after...?)

A stroll around Richmond park is another lovely London weekend activity, visit the wild deer then pop into Petersham Nurseries for some of their great food and drink.

 Kew Gardens is an obvious one, but still a classic (here I am at Kew a few summers ago). They currently have an orchid show on til March- orchids being by far the sexiest flower around- think The Secretary, Adaptation etc. You can see some more pics from Kew in this post.
Hampstead Heath is another favourite for romantics, but whilst most people stick to the side of the heath where the ponds are, I'd recommend venturing a bit further to the Hampstead Heath Pergola. It's a bit run down but I think this only adds to the romantic atmosphere there.
And very briefly, if you're after classic romantic restaurant choices, my top recommendations would be Sketch, Brunswick House and Les Trois Garcons ( below).

Re-reading this, I realise that I've actually been to more of these places with my girlfriends than I have with my husband ( who hates any sort of 'organised romance'). So feel free to ignore any Valentines associations and read this post as just being about some gorgeous places to go in London. Go enjoy them with your lover, your friends or by yourself!

Thursday, 22 January 2015

Big News

Photo by Roland Heap, on holiday in Fuerteventura this month where we stayed in another great AirBnB find.

So, you may have noticed an absence of the normal 'New Year's resolutions' or '2014 round-up' sort of posts over here- this is partly because I wrote this last year and didn't want to immediately contradict myself by writing something that was all about all the amazing things that happened to me in 2014. But they did. So I'm going to really quickly just drop them in here; we moved house to a new flat I'm so happy in, we got married (sort of), I turned 30 (managed to avoid having any sort of party by getting wed the weekend before!) and finally, at the end of September I found out I was pregnant! So that's my big news and I've been putting off writing about it for a few reasons. I'm really wary of going on about it when I know lots of people aren't fussed about babies, but it's such a huge, life-changing thing that it's hard not to let on how much of my mental and physical energy it's consuming. Anyway, after feeling a bit reluctant to write about it, I have since looked online for good blogs about pregnancy and having babies and whilst I've been recommended a few good ones, the majority are so face-palmingly awful that I feel it's my duty to write something honest and I hope helpful for anyone out there googling away and coming up with sites that refer to your baby as 'the little alien growing inside you' or your breasts as 'those bouncing beauties' - both real examples from big pregnancy websites. As if I weren't already feeling nauseous. See also sites that insist on talking about your baby in baby talk e.g 'now that your ickle bundle of joy is the size of a lemon' etc I am a grown woman, thankyou very much. So, as an antidote to some of the more saccharin content out there, here are some of my experiences so far:
(If you're not preggers or remotely interested in ever being so, you may wish to tune out, but please don't unfollow me, as I plan on still posting about London events, my travels, arts and culture all as usual, just with the odd baby rant snuck in here and there.)

My emotions 

As some of you know, I have narcolepsy and cataplexy, both of which have been largely controlled by medication since I was in my teens. About a year ago my narcolepsy got a lot better and I managed to come off the drugs I'd been on for that successfully, but I was still on my cataplexy treatment at the end of this summer when we were starting to seriously think about trying for a baby. So, first step was to wean myself off those pills. This was a bit rough, though not nearly as bad as it could have been. My symptoms came back a bit, but nothing like how severe they were when I was a teen- I used to literally hit the floor anytime I felt a strong emotion, whereas now I just tend to go a bit shakey, I won't be able to keep my voice steady and may need to sit down. The pills I'd been taking acted as a muscle stimulant, but they also used to be prescribed as an antidepressant, which I wasn't aware of until recently. So suddenly I find that I've been on antidepressants since I was 14. Needless to say, when I came off them I was a bit emotional. I got really down for a while and started comfort eating which is a trap I've fallen into in the past. This only served to make me more worried because I didn't want to start a pregnancy overweight, but I just wasn't in the frame of mind to be making the effort to exercise and eat well. I was depressed, basically. Somehow I had enough clarity to realise that what I needed was to just hurry up and get knocked up, so that then I would feel motivated to start eating well again and hopefully all the hormones would soon sort me out. We were incredibly lucky and managed to conceive very quickly, and it turned out I was right, as soon as I was pregnant I felt much better- this may also have been down to my body just stabilising after coming off my medication.
I did still feel like I was on a bit of an emotional roller coaster though- the first trimester is partly wonderful because you're so excited and it's nice to have this secret with your partner, but also awful because you can't tell anyone your news yet. You can't explain why you're so tired and if you have any early worries (I had some early bleeding which it turns out is pretty normal, but obviously still worrying) you can't share them. I wasn't depressed anymore, but God, was I emotional. ANYTHING could set me off. Things that made me cry- and I mean, properly, bawl my eyes out included:

  • The music video for Taylor Swift's Shake It Off.
  • All the behind-the-scenes videos of the making of Taylor Swift's music video, Shake It Off.
  • The David Attenborough Life show that was on BBC
  • The android advert at the cinema (Why?!It's not even sad!)
  • Any charity adverts on the tube showing children in Serbia or female activists in India etc
  • 'A Mother's Prayer' by Tina Fey, almost destroyed me as my mum has her own tale of me pooping up my back which she loves to tell.

I was a Goddamn liability for a couple of months.

Bodily Functions

The one thing pregnancy will make you realise is how amazing your body is. Not because of the whole 'making a new life' thing- that's ace, obviously, but a bit weird- see Alien reference above, but because you suddenly notice all the stuff your body does for you all the time that you're never grateful for. Unfortunately you notice this because it's now paying all of it's attention to Baby and you are left having difficulty doing the most basic things. Examples include:


Pretty straight forward, right? No longer. I was so incredibly bloated in my first trimester and still suffer from it a fair a bit now ( am coming up to 20 weeks). I can't eat anything fried or my stomach balloons. Seriously- in the morning I could still have a fairly flat stomach and by the evening I'd look six months pregnant- and it was all gas. I've had about 10 weeks of nausea which has been FUN. Some women produce excess saliva in early pregnancy which makes everything taste awful, especially drinks- I found I couldn't stomach plain water at all because of what I have named 'claggy mouth syndrome' and was brushing my teeth and sucking mints all day long.


All the time. Peeing. Always. And you better start doing your pelvic floor exercises, because otherwise you even start peeing when you sneeze or cough, or if you have the nausea badly, as you throw up. FUN.


No-one tells you about this, but you get really constipated during pregnancy. Food stays in your stomach longer so the baby can get all the nutrients, but this slowing down of the digestive process can leave you all blocked up. If I don't have a bowl of muesli every morning my entire digestive system just stops working.

Sleeping (and a bit more about eating/nausea)

Apart from feeling terribly tired for a few weekends right at the beginning of my pregnancy, I haven't noticed that much more tiredness (but then I am narcoleptic so I'm not a very objective judge of 'normal' standards of wakefulness). I have been finding it harder than usual to sleep well at night though. I can't have a big dinner later at night because otherwise the bloating is so uncomfortable it keeps me up for hours belching like a teenage boy. In fact, one of the bits of advice I found useful for helping the nausea was to eat a little, often rather than your normal 3 proper meals. It's a weird sort of nausea- not like when you're sick and can't stand the thought of eating anything, more that I had to eat exactly the right thing at exactly the right time or I'd feel sick. I found little packets of veggie sushi were the perfect size and really hit the spot- I usually needed something salty but with carbs that weren't going to make me all gassy.
Other things that make sleeping tricky- restless legs, or in my case, restless arms. I'd never experienced 'restless leg syndrome' in my arms before but apparently it's a thing and God, it's maddening.
I'm also getting to the point now where I need to buy one of these pillows as it's hard to get comfortable at night.

Maintaining your body temperature

I've found myself getting cold really easily, especially in places that are now 'extremities' e.g my belly. I usually get the restless arms thing when the tops of my arms have got too cold and I'll have to sit and massage them or have a warm bath (careful of having a hot bath early on in your pregnancy- I made that mistake and had some bleeding which was terrifying, but everything turned out to be fine).


Probably my first symptom, before I'd even missed my period, was having incredibly sensitive breasts. They went on to become so sore that it actually hurt to try and put a bra on. Which was lucky really, since they grew two cup sizes in the space of about a month so I didn't have any bras that fitted anyway. Between this and the bloating and the peeing and the constipation and the tiredness, you don't feel super sexy in the first trimester. During the period where I was super emotional, I did find I got some horny urges, but they were fleeting, unpredictable and sometimes confusing ( e.g watching chef Nigel Slater's documentary on the history of cake on TV- suddenly very horny- enlist help of husband- afterwards realise that I was actually just HUNGRY). Even now when I feel physically fine most of the time, it's kind of hard to get into the right frame of mind for sex. Without wanting to turn this blog into the sort of site Cameron will have shut down, let's just say that if your sexual tastes tend to be a little less vanilla and a little more 50 Shades of Grey (I haven't actually read it but I've read the actual good stuff like The Story of O etc) it can feel a bit wrong getting it on when hours earlier your husband was lovingly taking the time to talk to your baby through your stomach. Which is all very frustrating because you're actually super sensitive with all the extra blood flow down there- pregnancy is when many women first achieve multiple orgasms.

It's also hard to feel sexy the more you start to look like this:

Don't worry, I still have arms.

The Fear

However happy you are to be pregnant, you're going to experience The Fear. I feel hugely blessed- or rather very glad that I've always been so sensible and rigorous about birth control- that I'm having a baby EXACTLY when I want, at a time in my life when I feel supported, loved and as ready for this as I'll ever be. But there are still moments when you think 'GAH, what the hell are we doing?' This is it now- no more putting ourselves first for the next 20 odd years. That's scary- I think it may even be slightly scarier for someone my age who has had ten years of being very independent and basically, selfish, than say, women who have babies very young and have almost never really experienced being their own boss. Having said that I feel like I have lots of support that will hopefully make it totally possible for me to still do some work ( though I also have enough support to be able to NOT work, which is a ridiculous luxury), travel and have a full life.
There's also that niggling little fear about, you know, pushing a baby out of your body. I'm really lucky in that I have a mum who has had very straight forward, uncomplicated births for me and most of my siblings (the youngest had to be induced and so was a bit trickier, but my mum was 40 by this point), so I haven't grown up hearing horror stories about births the way many women do. However, I've still been a victim of the media and Hollywood constantly propagating this image of childbirth being Godawful, so that when we started trying for a baby, I realised I was pretty scared about the whole thing. Luckily at around that time I met up with a friend who'd just had her first baby and had used hypnobirthing techniques, and she was so reassuring. Sure, it's never going to be FUN, but hypnobirthing teaches you how to maintain a positive frame of mind throughout the process, which then in turn makes the actual physical side of things work better, faster and with less pain. Basically, if you get scared when you're going into labour, then you end up feeling more pain and labour goes slower- if you relax yourself ( that's what the breathing techniques etc are for) then everything will be much easier. I'm massively simplifying here- if you're interested I would recommend reading about some hypnobirthing experiences on the Gas and Air blog. I'm currently doing The Calm Birth School's online hypnobirthing course which includes relaxation mp3s and so forth- I'll do a full review of it once I've finished the course and given birth!

Here are some of the blogs people recommended to me:
This post by Beauty writer Caroline Hirons

One thing that makes it hard to find good pregnancy blogs is that they have a limited life span- unless you're a midwife maybe, no-one's going to write about being pregnant all the time. So even if you start a pregnancy blog as soon as you're pregnant, that only gives you 9 months to get good at blogging before you're done, and it naturally evolves into a parenting/baby/toddler blog. Which is fine, but perhaps a reason there isn't so much great reading material out there about early pregnancies. Some of the best bits I've found have been dedicated posts about it from experienced writers whose blogs are usually about something else entirely- e.g Caroline Hirons' brilliant post.

If you've written about being pregnant or being a parent, or know any great blogs and sites, please do leave links in the comments below. I hope not to bore you too much with preggers stuff in the coming months- I'm due late June, FYI. As always, thanks for reading.

Thursday, 8 January 2015

Baths and burgers in Berlin

There are two things I've now found which help in getting through the winter in London- one is obviously a sunny holiday somewhere (Ib and I are off to Fuerteventura next week, thank goodness!) and the other is a quick stint somewhere bloody freezing. In November we popped to Berlin for a long weekend; a wonderful city, but God, it was cold. Coming back to the UK, though grey and drizzly, London felt positively balmy!

My husband has been to Berlin a few times without me and has always sworn that I'd love it, so we decided to go for a long weekend so he could show me around his favourite spots. I organised the hotel- the wonderful Michelberger which is probably the 'coolest' hotel I've ever stayed in; they have The Big Lebowski playing on a loop on TV screens in the corridors! But otherwise Ib took care of everything; he speaks basic German and knows what transport to get everywhere, which made it feel like a real holiday for me; I didn't plan anything but instead just let him be in charge. Often when I'm doing travel writing on a trip, it can feel not entirely holiday-like as I'll take responsibility for organising everything to make sure we get the best deals and see all the good stuff. It's nearly always worth it, but just the same, it was nice to have a weekend where plans were entirely in my husband's hands.

We stayed in a very basic room which felt quite hostel-like; small but with a clean, minimalist look and comfortable bed. There are some more exciting rooms available for slightly higher rates, such as the library room, pictured above, literally lined with books!

This is the gorgeous restaurant attached to the hotel- you have to walk through a little courtyard full of Christmas trees to get to it. Breakfast was wonderful- including all my favourite elements, from homemade granola to bacon and eggs. Huge brownie points for the fact that they have proper PG tips as their English breakfast tea; a wonderful surprise since it's often virtually impossible to get decent tea in Europe.

There are fabulous little touches all over the hotel, like these wee vintage photographs on the walls.

And you can also tune into The Big Lebowski on the TV in your bedroom!

The main reason Ib wanted us to visit Berlin was to go to Liquidrom; an amazing 'spa', though I use the term loosely, as it's not really like spas as we have them in the UK. They have all the normal facilities; saunas, plunge pools, steam rooms and so forth, but they also have a wonderful outdoor, salt water hot tub which is an utter delight, particularly when the air temperature is zero degrees or below! The other best bit is a wonderful, swimming pool sized, salt water floatation tank- the only place where you're obliged to keep your swimwear on. You float around amongst soft lights as a DJ plays relaxing music that you can hear under the water; it's idyllic and you can easily spend an hour in there without noticing any time pass. 

In the rest of the building people wander around in various states of undress. Anytime I visit places where nudity is the norm- Burning Man is another good example - I start off a bit shy but soon remember how good it is for your self esteem. It's positively enlightening to see how different everyone's bodies are; real un-photoshopped bodies that remind you that everyone has a bit of cellulite, some broken veins or stretch marks. All the Germans there were so incredibly comfortable being naked; I didn't once feel like I was being leered at or objectified. And this is in a place that has a bar, so most people have had a drink or two. Can you imagine this working in the UK? Men would get off-their-face drunk then try and grope you in the back of the sauna. Ew. 

The bar serves great drinks as well as comfort foods like pizza and pies which are perfect for when you realise you've worked up a huge appetite just getting hot and cold in and out of the water. You can then sit and enjoy your food and drink on a lounger underneath a blanket. It costs 20 euros for two hours which is just about the right amount of time, and it's open til midnight. We went on our first night in Berlin, and then, sad as it might sound, in a city famous for it's nightlife; we then went again on our second night! It's that good.
Other Berlin tips include Burgermeister- which does what it says on the tin. Amazing burger joint worth a visit, though there's no indoor seating, so good for take-away or perching outdoors in the summer. We didn't have time to go to all the museums Berlin has to offer, but we did visit the Pergamon Museum which has an incredible collection, particularly of ancient Islamic art. 
Have you been to Berlin? Do leave your tips in the comments below, as I'm keen to go again, perhaps when the weather's a bit warmer!

Tuesday, 14 October 2014

Dates for your Diary

As some of you may know, until the beginning of this year I was editor of a London arts and culture website which involved previewing and reviewing lots of wonderful things that go on in this city. It can be hard to find stuff to do in London, precisely because there's so much on offer that it can be tricky knowing where to start. I realised recently that I really miss the satisfaction of having someone say; ' Oh, I saw you recommend X on your site, so I went along and it was brilliant!' So I've decided to start doing a little monthly round up of what's on- the chances are if you read this blog, we probably have similar taste, so I hope there'll be lots here that you like.

As it begins to get dark earlier in the evenings, there's nowhere more appropriate to head than The British Library's celebration of all things Gothic. 'Terror and Wonder: The Gothic Imagination' is a wonderful exhibition, exploring the origins of the Gothic style through to Dickensian Penny Dreadfuls, Hammer Horrors and Hitchcock. Expect all the usual suspects; from authors like Shelley and Poe to modern masters of the artform like Sarah Waters and Neil Gaiman ( keep reading for more Neil Gaiman news). The only bit I found disappointing was the final room dedicated to modern 'Goths'; it felt like a slightly misplaced afterthought that wasn't in keeping with the rest of the exhibition at all. I's also have been interested in hearing more from psychologists on WHY it is we're so fascinated by 'the dark side.'
On until 20th January

If you haven't seen Bourgeois and Maurice before, then you've been missing out on one of the city's best kept secrets. In fact, if London were a cabaret act, it might look something like this; outlandishly talented, darkly funny and hugely politically incorrect. For their latest venture, these self proclaimed 'obnoxious little shits' have teamed up with London legend David Hoyle for Middle of the Road.
'A musical journey through some of the most offensively ‘middle of the road’ music around. This is everything you ever wanted to happen to a James Blunt song. And more.' 16-18 October

Dylan Thomas in Fitzrovia is a wonderful new festival celebrating the centenary of the poetic genius. Expect to see lots of Dylan love in the coming months; there's a new film of Under the Milk Wood coming out filmed in both English and Welsh, starring Rhys Ifans and Charlotte Church alongside an entirely bilingual cast. I saw the trailer for it at the Welsh affair that is Festival no 6 at Portmeirion this summer, and it looked fantastic; both dreamy and nightmarish and appropriately batshit crazy. 20- 26 October

Earlier this year I went to an immersive theatre production inspired by Philip Pullman's re-telling of Grimm's fairytales. It was so incredible I was sure it would just keep on running, but instead they went away for a while and have now come back with a new production based on a different set of fairytales- I can't wait to see what they've done this time. Read my review of the last show here and book tickets for the new season here.  21 November-15 February

Fancy more Grimm stuff? Bourne and Hollingsworth are throwing a Grimm Halloween party on 1st November, complete with gingerbread cottage and glass coffin photo booth.

One of my best friends and favourite musicians Gabby Young (above) is back with a new album and a show at trendy new London venue Oslo, on 27th November- book now!

For more music, see Mercury Award nominee Kate Tempest performing her album which takes her away from the poetry and plays she's become known for and back to her roots as a rapper. I had the track 'Circles' on repeat for days. 11th November, Village Underground.

photo by Catalin Plesa

Fashion historian extraordinaire Amber Butchart is hosting a series of fashion talks at Viktor Wynd's museum; put these dates in your diary now. I'm particularly looking forward to hearing Ian Kelly speak about writing Vivienne Westwood's life story. Read my interview with Amber here.

Catch Bridget Christie putting the Funny is Feminism with 'An Ungrateful Woman' at Soho Theatre next month. If it's anything like her last show 'A Bic for Her', it'll leave you feeling empowered, informed, amused, angry, and yes, possibly ungrateful.  3- 21 November

Book Ahead: Neil Gaiman is presenting the Douglas Adams Memorial Lecture in March 2015,  register now. He also has this new book out, which has shot straight to the top of my wishlist.

Thursday, 18 September 2014

Not A Wedding

Once again, I must apologise for the length of time since my last post- I will try to excuse it by distracting you with pictures of my wedding! Look! Look at the shiny things!

But actually this is a rotten excuse for my lack of blogging, for we did in fact have our celebration all the way back in May. I don't know why I've been reluctant to blog about it; I haven't really been too busy, there's just definitely a part of me that's been hesitant to share it. I guess it's something to do with the fact that we had such a tiny, intimate affair; it feels very personal. But then that's another reason I DO want to write something and post some pictures to share with people who couldn't be there.
We only had 18 guests, just our very closest friends; we tried to only invite friends who knew both of us really well. This is the beautiful chateau we found on AirBnB. £250 a night. For the whole thing. Bloody love AirBnB. It's run by lovely people- book it now, but take note, the family who own it stay there in the Summer months, so plan something for Spring or Autumn instead. They sent us over some lovely background information about the house- it was built by one of the King Louis for his favourite mistress!

The weather was perfect; warm enough to swim during the day, but still chilly enough for an open fire in their big old-fashioned fireplace in the evenings. 

I think another reason I've been reluctant to write about it is that it's been a year of such ridiculous hoo-ha over certain weddings- Kim and Kanye tied the knot just before or after us, I can't remember which, and I remember thinking at the time, I don't even want to blog about what we did, that's how much I want to distance myself from the kind of affair they had. Based on what the media claimed the West/Kardashian wedding cost, we spent roughly 0.1% of  their budget, and I can't really imagine how it could have been any nicer. When we came back to the UK I picked up a copy of Red magazine which had a feature about a journalist bride trying to do her wedding 'on a budget'. The budget she'd given herself? 18K. Which is apparently the UK national average. Now I'm all for having a special day, but I find myself being really cynical of people who feel the need to turn their wedding into some sort of status symbol. So I think I was wary about writing a post that in any way resembled their 'LOOK AT ME' style approach to the whole thing.

Beautiful old staircase in the chateau

The house was full of wonderful oddities, like this 'font' sort of thing in the dining room? There were lots of candles already there, we just decorated with flowers (probably weeds..) from the local hedgerows.

My husband-to-be getting ready!

We were lucky of course, because we actually chose to have our own commitment ceremony rather than an actual wedding, so we didn't have to worry about finding a venue that fitted any legal requirements, or hiring someone to conduct the ceremony or any of that sort of thing. And I think this is the final reason I didn't feel like writing about our celebration until now; we have a number of reasons why we decided not to legally marry, but it gets very tiring explaining them to everyone and feeling like we have to justify our decision. For now all I'll say is that Ib and I have been together 12 years; we've already stayed together through sickness and health and for better or worse, so a wedding felt like something we'd already outgrown, in a way. We said our own personal vows we wrote ourselves, and had readings from our sisters and a friend. My sister in law Sara is a writer so she wrote a beautiful poem for us, our friend Meg recited Sonnet XVII by Pablo Neruda and my sister Phi read an exert from The Velveteen Rabbit. Ib and I both cried bucketloads. 

We had very romantic music to begin the ceremony ( Yann Tiersen's Comptine D'un Autre ete ) and err... a slightly less conventional piece to end it ( Terminator 2 main theme.)

Our ingenious guests made confetti out of daisy heads!

Our talented friend Roland took these pictures- it was, in fact, his wedding last year that inspired us to have a celebration of some kind, it was so wonderful. His wife Jasmine also happens to be the connection that meant Ib and I originally met, at Glastonbury, when I was 18.

I know I'm supposed to be a writer and everything, but I honestly can't put into words how special the day was. Just listen to that piece of Yiann Tiersen music and if it makes you feel tearful and nostalgic and hopeful all at the same time, you'll have some idea.

It's impossible to over emphasise how little planning went into the whole thing. We got everyone to throw some money in a pot- unorthodox I know, but we covered all the accommodation ourselves which probably evens it out to what you'd expect at a normal wedding where you get your meal for free but have to pay for a room- and then bought a gutload of wonderful French food, and lived off bread, cheese and booze for most of the weekend. We're lucky enough to have lots of friends who are excellent chefs, so they knocked up a wonderful curry for after the ceremony. We hadn't sorted anything like a cake, but again, our friends stepped in and got some gorgeous stuff from a local French patisserie (within walking distance from the house, which meant morning strolls for croissants were possible), including two little meringue hedgehogs who acted as a sort of bride-and-groom-on-a-wedding-cake substitute. Here I am in the picture above being force-fed Mr Hedgehog by my new husband.

I should say something about my dress I suppose. I had an exact idea of what I wanted in my head- which is always a bad start- and started researching floaty, Picnic-at-Hanging-Rock/Room-with-a-View style dresses. I know I actually suit structured, Vivienne Westwood type frocks much better, but I neither had the money for that sort of thing, nor did I want to spend any of the day struggling to breathe or sit down. I wanted something I could roll around on the grass in if I felt like it.
But unfortunately all original Edwardian dresses have high necks, which is incredibly unflattering on the bigger-bossomed lady. I'd already bought something on ebay, resold it because it didn't suit me, then panic-purchased a Grecian, red dress from Mango just because it was getting so close to the day. But then, just a few days before we were due to leave for France, Kate Moss's new collection for Topshop came out. I'm not a huge KM fan, not even a huge Topshop fan, but they had made the perfect dress for me. At least, it looked perfect online, but the collection wasn't being released until the evening before we took the ferry to France. So like some starstruck, teenage loser, off I trekked to Topshop the night before we left to see the collection unveiled. As I approached Topshop there were just horrific queues, half of Oxford Circus was shut down, and my initial response was, 'Sod this' so I turned around and started walking home. But after about ten minutes I talked myself into turning back, and it turned out, by then, most of the queues had died down; people had really only been there to try and spot celebrities. The queue to actually get in to the shop and buy pieces from the collection was relatively small- I was inside within 10 minutes. It fitted perfectly and was just as nice in real life as it had looked online. I particularly like that the cream slip it has on the inside can be removed and replaced with a slip of any other colour- so it can definitely be recycled in the future for non-wedding wear!

I wore some old Grecian sandals I had- and yes, the boy wore trainers. 

Here's a picture of me and my sister Phi. In it you can just see the wedding gift Ib gave me on the day- a beautiful art deco, diamond necklace. I'll take a better picture of it one day.

Some of our guests- as this post is feeling decidedly bride-and-groom heavy! I do also have a collection of polaroids one of my friends took over the whole weekend- or rather, I'm waiting to collect them from her- so I'll share those in another post.

From left to right- Meg, me, Phi, Ib, Jack and Sara

We had one absolute scorcher of a day where we just lounged by the pool all day, which was bliss.

On the Sunday we popped to the local village market, which was the Frenchest place I have ever been. Look at the French children! Look at them!

Because we spent a whole 5 days not-getting-married in the south of France, it didn't really feel like we needed a honeymoon as such. But by the end of the summer we'd convinced ourselves it was a necessity- so we popped off to Lake Como for the bank holiday weekend in August. We stayed at the
Relais Villa Vittoria on Lake Como, but I'm not sure I'd really recommend it. Don't get me wrong, we had a wonderful time- the lake is out of this world. But with my travel-writer hat on, I'd definitely say the hotel was a mixed bag. Next visit I think we may opt for something like the San Giorgio B&B- we came across it hidden down an alley off the main street that our hotel was on- bit gutted I hadn't managed to find it online before the trip actually. Same brilliant location as ours ( in Laglio, the village George Clooney famously owns much of) but a fraction of the price. Definitely more rustic than luxury, but if you can still pop to one of the other hotels or restaurants for a fancy dinner every now and again, I think you'd be perfectly happy.

Ib has spent many years convincing me that there's no such thing as a sale; that the stuff on offer is never anything I'd normally buy. But this year I've proved him wrong! Behold, my new favourite dress, from Collectif Clothing who did a brilliant 24 hour 50% sale on all their online stock. It's still available here, but full price now.

And yet further proof that I've turned 30- (It was actually both Ib and my birthdays the same week we went to France) here I am wearing a Boden dress. BODEN. Like my Mum. Also in the sale, some sizes and colours still available here I think. Gladiator sandals from Clarks, but off Ebay, so probably an old collection.

Thanks for reading! I have loads more pictures from the not-a-wedding but honestly not sure how interested people are - I may do another post when I have the polaroids. I hope this maybe helps anyone who might also be planning to do something less conventional to celebrate their relationship. Best advice I can give? Anyone who really loves you will be happy whatever you decide to do.

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